dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
