your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
