Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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