Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
