I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
