he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
