Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize