you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
