HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
