Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
