I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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