happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
