i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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