I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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