do herpes really smell.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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