just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
