you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
