So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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