Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We talked him into tasing himself.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
