So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
