peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Houston, we have a squirter
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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