My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
