Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
