he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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