suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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