Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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