I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
