Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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