I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
