some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
