apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
