And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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