i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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