i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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