that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
