nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
