I think I am morally bankrupt
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
