Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
