Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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