I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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