party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You smell like stripper and shame
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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