just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
