i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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