If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
