i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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