I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
