Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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