it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
