just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
