her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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