Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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