fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize