dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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