Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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