I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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