is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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