I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize