You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
