Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
