no, he came in my armpit
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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