Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
