i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
