This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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