Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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