i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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