so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
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To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
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Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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