EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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