She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
