...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
