Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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