If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
