My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize